How to Deal with Toxic People (Without Becoming Toxic Yourself)

How would you describe a toxic person? Harmful? Poisonous? Lethal?

At Entrepreneur.com, Travis Bradberry described toxic people this way: “Toxic people defy logic. Some are blissfully unaware of the negative impact they have on those around them, and others seem to derive satisfaction from creating chaos and pushing other people’s buttons.” (Great characterization, Travis!)

Toxic people are everywhere! You encounter toxic team members at work, toxic servers at restaurants, and toxic members at the your church or synagogue. Who knows, you might even live with a toxic person! Since toxic people are everywhere, we need to learn how to deal with them without becoming toxic ourselves.

How to Deal with Toxic People

1. Build a fence.

Toxic people are a lot like pigs, they like to roll around in the mud. If farmers don't want pigs digging mud pits all over their farms, they build a fence to keep pigs in their proper place.

Since toxic people are all around you, you can't avoid running into them. What you can do is build a fence around how you choose to interact with them. Decide upfront when, where, and how you will engage with toxic people, and then stick to your boundaries. You'll be shocked at how this one step gives you more control over your life and work.

2. Shut the door. 

Toxic people. Toxic TV. Toxic news. So many of these toxins ooze into our lives simply because we leave a door open to them.

Have you ever considered a seven-day detox? Simply shut the door to all toxic input and watch how quickly the quality of your life improves. (NOTE: I share more about this idea in the post 3 Tips for How to Get Motivated.)

3. Open the door.

When you choose to shut one door, you're empowered to open another. Why not open the door to positivity?  Read positive material. Listen to positive podcasts. Write positive thoughts and ideas in your journal. Not only is positive thinking good for your brain, it also opens you up to the wonderful opportunities all around you.

4. Turn down the heat. 

The Book of Proverbs warns readers not to respond to fools in the heat of the moment. If you interact with a fool the same way a fool interacts with you, you become just as foolish as the fool himself.

Similarly, if you turn up the heat when responding to a toxic person, you'll likely create a toxic split in your life. Don't meet fire with fire. Learn to be firm without being fiery.

5. Use your flashlight properly.

Dan Miller of 48 Days says: “A problem is an opportunity looking for a solution.” Toxic people point their flashlights at problems. Positive, proactive people point their flashlights at solutions. Where you choose to point your flashlight determines whether you become toxic or stay positive.

 

Question: Which idea about how to deal with toxic people without becoming toxic yourself is most helpful to you?